FOR 2011... (I FORGOT TO MENTION...)

I guess it would have been nice for me to tell you where I am in my single life lol. It's simple, really. I believe now, more than ever, I'm closer to meeting the man that God has for me. It's sort of the way I explained about the blog: I believe that I've accomplished all that God has called me to accomplish in this part of my singleness and He's moving me to the next level. Getting rid of some things that were taking my mind off of waiting (distractions), is preparing my heart to receive him into my life. The only thing I know at this point is that He will come when I least expect it and in God's perfect timing. Of course, after we've met, when the time is right, I will let you know.

Continue praying for/about your future husband. Continue to allow God to work on you, change you, and transform you for Him before you are blessed with your "him".

Ok, that's it for real lol. Happy New Year.

FOR 2011...

Photo Credit

Hello Ladies. It seems like I was just wishing you well for the Christmas break. Now here it is less than a week away from the new year. I've been thinking about what my final post for 2010 would be besides telling you this will be my final post for 2010. I was thinking maybe I could do a countdown or highlight my most memorable 2010 moments, but instead, I decided to let you know where The Future Wife and the blog are headed in the new year.

The most important thing going on with me right now is the care of my mom. She's still recovering from her lung transplant and is doing well. I had some time during her recovery to post some things but now that she's progressing more, she'll need more attention devoted to getting her up and out of the hospital. (Thank you to anyone who has prayed for her. We know your prayers and everyone who is praying with us has helped us through this).

So, what about the blog? Well, Chronicles will be going on a little break. I believe that God is pleased with where the blog is for right now and I've accomplished what He wanted to accomplish for now. I have a big vision for Chronicles but I want my vision to be His vision --wait, no-- I want His vision to be my vision. So with that said, I'll leave here and get on the Potter's wheel so He can mold me even more, so I can come back with a renewed mind and an even greater vision for the blog.

Before I close, I want to thank each and every one of you for your support of Chronicles. It is your encouragement that helped to keep me going. Whether it was a kind word sent through an email, a message on FB, a nice tweet, or a comment right here on the blog, you have been a great encouragement and motivation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I would also like to personally thank those who allowed me to feature them on the blog: Tangie Henry (Inspired Sistah), Christina and Byron Jones, Jaiya Keys, Shenina Brown, LaWanda Engleman, and Angela Oliver. God led me to you and I'm so glad that you made yourselves available to be a blessing to Chronicles and to anyone who reads your stories. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

God has some wonderful things for each of us in the new year, but it's up to us to follow Him and reach out and grab what's ours. Let's not make this an "all talk no action year". Make it a "be about it" year. (Thanks Tangie for inspiring me to be more proactive about my dreams in the new year). You ready?

Happy New Year...

P.S. If you want to see what's going on with me from time to time, check out I'm So Aud.

A VERY MERRY POST :-)

Photo Credit

Hello Ladies...Merry Christmas Eve :-) Just wanted to wish you all a happy and safe holiday weekend. I'll be enjoying my weekend with my family and visiting my mom who is still recovering from a lung transplant. I'm so very thankful for the miracle that God has worked in her life. My family and I are going to make the best of this holiday by bringing Christmas to her (can't wait) :-)

And to you, my fabulous Future Wives: You all have been a gift to me. Thank you all for genuinely supporting me here, on Twitter, in emails, and on Facebook. I have a big vision for this blog (part of it is turning it into more than a blog). With your continued help and support I can do that. Feel free to send any ideas, questions, or whatever is on your mind to coafw@yahoo.com. Thank you again for your support.

Finally, this week I asked a question to the wives who subscribe to me on Twitter and said I would share their responses on the blog today. The question was, "#Wives: How do you and your husband decide where to spend the holidays? How do you decide who to visit first?"

@sabrina_jackson responded: "GM!! My husband and I decide which to go to first by who gets together the earliest, which is always my family. It works out great because my family serves dinner first so we go there and hang then my hubby's family second."

And a response from @CherishSingers that made me chuckle: "who ever cries or gives best emotional blackmail...we go there! Simple!"

Thanks ladies for your responses. Us single ladies like to get the "inside scoop" on marriage :-) Wives who subscribe to the blog: How do you and your husband decide where to spend the holidays?

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone. Celebrate the gift of Jesus.

FEATURED FUTURE WIFE: ANGELA

I intentionally picked our Featured Future Wife for today because she's so honest about where she is in her singleness. She's very aware that there are some things she needs to let God fix before becoming a wife, and makes no excuses about them. Her feature is very honest, real, and encouraging. I'm sure her story will bless you, too.

Meet Angela.

Photo Credit: Mr. Jeno

Name: Angela Oliver

Age: 31
Hometown: Atlanta, Ga
Occupation: Recruiter
Church:Word of Faith

What do you like to do in your spare time?
I enjoy reading, spending time with my family and close friends, and traveling (would love to do more)

What is your favorite scripture?
My favorite scripture is I Corinthians 13:4-11. I LOVE First and Second Corinthians.

What does the term future wife mean to you?
It means I will be a wife when God thinks I am ready to be a wife. I have accepted it could be two or twenty years down the line.

One of the reasons I wanted to feature you is because of how honest you are about where you are in your singleness. Can you share a little of where you are in your singleness right now?
Well I am single and happy. This is the first time I have been single in about eight or nine years. I am what you call a serial monogamist. My relationships normally happen because I despise dating and the men kind of pressure me to get in a committed relationship. Now I am currently enjoying not having to worry about anyone but me. Are there times I get lonely? Yes, but it is not worth my peace of mind at this point.

What are some things you feel you need to change about yourself before becoming a wife?
Well I can be mean, selfish, controlling, I am not a fan of cooking , I don't like to be talked to all the time, I also don't like being touched all the time and I have a bad habit of tuning things out that aren't important to me. I can be bossy. LOL. I would like to stop cursing and being harsh with my words. I don't get offended easily so a person can say pretty much anything and it rolls off my back. However everyone is not like me so I have learned/still learning to pause and pray before I speak. The last thing I want to do is disrespect my mate with my tongue. I try to focus on Proverbs 15:1.

This is not something I need to change but it is a huge reason why I am not married: I will say the thing that has affected me the most are the men in my life (father, grandfathers, uncles and friends). These men are awesome. They are God fearing, providers, affectionate, etc. I can go on and on about them. However I would like to focus on my dad for a second (tearing up thinking about him). My father is the best dad in the world. He adores his children and his family. He provides, he loves, he listens, he judges (he is working on it), he is the first man I fell in love with. The bar that he has set is so high that I have not met a man that has a fraction of the qaulities he possess. The potential my mother and stepmother saw in my dad I have not seen in anyone I have dated.

What is something you struggle with the most in your singleness?
One thing that I struggle with is sex. I know full well I should not engage in those activities. However it is much easier when you are single/unattached to abstain. It is also easy when you really don't like the person you're with. The difficult part is when you are dating/in a relationship with someone you are interested in.

Next I struggle with growing old alone. I know several elderly women who never married or widowed young. That scares me! I want someone to help me get dressed, lotion me up the way my grandfather does my grandmother.

Most importantly I struggle with will I have children. If you ask any of my friends/family members I am the baby lover. I love kids especially babies. The thought of being childless scares me way more than being single. I had convinced myself that at 35 I would just go and get a baby. Why not? Everyone is doing it. Then one Sunday I was at church and my Bishop preached on Abraham and Sara (Genesis 16). I believe verse 12 states Ishmael would be a wild boar/man. My Bishop explained that when you go against God's orders and don't trust him you may get what you want but there will be consequences for disobeying him.

You mentioned in one of your tweets that you had a list of qualities that you wanted in a mate. Why did you throw it away?
LOL I threw the list away because my list was developed based on failed relationships and disappointments. Example: I may break up with a man that was not close to his mother so I may add 'I want a man that is close to his mother.' My list included the typical Christian, God fearing, no kids, etc. To be perfectly honest my last boyfriend met the requirements on the list (at least his representative did). In fact I remember being so glad I was able to go down my list checking it off. Well my list back fired and at that point I tossed it because it was not working in my favor. To be honest if he had not changed, I didn't love him so (as I shrug shoulders) what is the point?

To me not having a list does not mean I will accept whatever comes my way. For me it means I am 100% trusting God to send me what I NEED and WANT because He knows. I also pray that I am able to receive the person because he may not come in the package I would like. I just want to make sure I have no broken pieces when he arrives and if I do I would like God to heal them ASAP.

Another reason I chose to feature you is because even though you have your struggles, you're not making excuses about them, and through all of that you genuinely want to trust God to bring you and your future husband together. How did you get to that point?

I got to this point after my last two relationships. I also look at some of my friends who got married for the wrong reasons, staying married for the wrong reason, cheating, unhappy etc. So at 31 I rather be single than to be in a bad marriage. Then I see marriages that are working and ALL of those marriages are centered around God. If I have to wait until I am 50 years old I am willing to do that because I want God all over, in and throughout my marriage.

What would you say to a single woman who is where you are now, who wants to make a change in her life?
Pray, watch "No More Sheets", listen to Jamal Bryant's "I Had to Date Them", surround yourself with as many people who are single and happy, read scriptures that focus on love, marriage, etc...Most importantly don't settle!

Visit Angela's blog Caramel Glamour, launching January 2011.

You can also subscribe to her tweets @caramelglam.

CHRONICLES: MY PRE-WEDDING DAY MUST-HAVE

Yep, you guessed it: another page out of my former online journal (written September 8, 2008). Read about a must-have for my wedding day (actually, before my wedding day) when it happens.

Hey Ladies...one of my biggest dreams for my proposal is for it to be captured in every single way possible (I'm a photo fanatic LOL ). Ross Oscar Knight, who happens to probably be one of the most awe inspiring photographers to ever pick up a camera has captured yet another amazing proposal (he's the photographer that captured Robert Gray and Keisha William's "Remembering the Ritz" proposal). Below is a rooftop proposal that he captured for Jaymin and Tiffany in Atlanta, Georgia. If I had an example to show of how I wanted my day captured, this would be it. I certainly hope Mr. Knight can be booked for my big day. Enjoy.

Jaymin & Tiffany: A Rooftop Proposal

Is there something that you absolutely have to have for your wedding day (or before), something that you always dream about? I would love to hear about it.

CHRONICLES: HE HAS TO BE READY

Hello Ladies...I've been sharing with you posts from an online journal I once had on Chocolate Brides. I like to look back from time to time to see where I was, my growth, etc... I figured if the posts are still encouraging me, then they would encourage you too. Here's a post from September 24, 2008.

I've made this observation before, but it has become more apparent to me as of late. If a man is not ready to get married, he is not ready. And, as my sister says, "And you can't make him be ready". I've seen the demise of two relationships recently that ended in divorce simply because the man was not ready (actually in one case, the man wasn't ready and in the other case, the woman forced it). It's a sad situation to be in and witness because I feel like it's so heartbreaking after the two people are sobered to the reality of their decision after the fact. I mean, we all go through things where we desire to have something that may or may not be for us but knowing the situation you're in or want is very real.

I must admit, my downfall at one point was not realizing that my ex wasn't ready to get married. He said he wanted to but there's a big difference in "I want to marry you Audrey" and "Audrey, will you marry me?" I didn't go too crazy and start planning stuff (although I could have) but I figured "Hey, I'm ready" but didn't realize that he wasn't where he needed to be.

At any rate, I just want to say that even though I have my days sometimes, I'm very thankful that God has not granted me what I think I need at the moment. Tricia said it so wonderfully the other day when she said that God is preparing the man He has for me. If I remember nothing more about this experience is to be grateful for a ready made man.

CHRONICLES: THE FUTURE

Written August 28, 2008...

The one thing that struck me tonight other than Obama's powerful speech, was the woman who was there supporting him--our future First Lady--Michelle Obama. I watched as she applauded her husband and looked at him with an intensity with every word he spoke. I watched as she watched over little Malia and Sasha, further showing her duties as the future president's wife. Then it struck me: Michelle Obama was chosen and designed specifically for Barack Obama. Not just to be his wife or the mother of his children. But she was chosen as the woman who would and could stand beside him as the first Black president of the United States of America. She was designed to be a part of his future. This revelation echoed what I've been thinking as far as getting married and being with the man that God has specifically designed for me, and who I will be to him.

I firmly believe that God puts two people together with an intent and specific purpose. And I think that is a question that all single people should ask themselves when contemplating a future mate. Not just, "Do we like the same things?" or "Are we both headed in the same direction career wise, family wise, spiritually, etc.." But, "How does this person fit into the future, plan and purpose that God has for my life?" And vice versa.

My Ring Worthy thought of the day is this: The man that God has chosen for me will be in my life for a reason and I, him. As far as I'm concerned, I know that I will be in ministry one day. I know that my life is going to be led a little differently. My schedule may be a little more hectic than usual and I need someone who is equipped to handle that and is secure in that. I feel that my greatest role will be to be his greatest supporter, wife, lover and friend. I need someone who is not and won't be intimidated by all that God has for me. But is there to encourage me and walk with me through it all.

So as I'm contemplating things on this Ring Worthy journey, my greatest expectation is to bond with one who is in direct connection to my future and I, his. There is a purpose for marriage. A purpose for two people who God has designed specifically for each other. Before I say "I do", I have to know that we fit the purpose and plan that God has for us together.

CHRONICLES: I KNOW WHAT I WANT

Hello Ladies and Happy Friday to you. I thought I'd send you into the weekend with another page out of my online journal. This entry was written August 27, 2008. This particular entry is still an encouragement to me because I could actually articulate matter-of-factly what I wanted in a husband. I couldn't do that before. I hope the entry encourages you. Why not take some time this weekend and write down what you're looking for in your husband? It helps :-)

I KNOW WHAT I WANT
So, a lot of stuff has been going through my head since I started this ring worthy journey. I've really been contemplating what I expect from a man now. I mean, I've always had expectations, but these are requirements now as opposed to them being options. I'm such a giver in my relationships. Never expecting anything in return. But now I see that a true, bona fide, solid relationship is a give-give situation where both parties seek the best interest of the other. Selfishness and love can not co-exist. So with that in mind, here is where I am now: I KNOW WHAT I WANT. And (saying to myself again) these are requirements now as opposed to options. I'm going to list a few things here and as I go on in the J, I'll give a break down or elaborate a little more on them. I'm also going to elaborate on some things from my end too because it's a two way street. So here goes...

FIRST THINGS FIRST
He has to love the Lord. I don't mean just go to church. I mean he has to have a heart for God.

I have to see in him that Divine love that I'm used to receiving from God and my father.

He has to be able to take care of me

I have to feel safe enough to trust him with my life.

I have to look at him and see husband, not just some fella that I'm dating.

ETA: He has to know how to fight. I don't mean physically. He has to know how to fight the enemy.

Honestly, I think those are probably the core things that I'm looking for right now, or should I say, expect. I'm going to elaborate on those points a bit more later but just wanted to share what's been on my heart as of late. Thanks for listenin'.

Have a great weekend ladies.

UPDATE: COMING UP ON CHRONICLES

Hello Ladies....here's what's coming up on Chronicles...

Look out for the new installment on the blog called Chronicles. I realize that I haven't shared much about my journey yet (lol) and that's one of the main purposes of the blog. My Chronicles posts will periodically update you on where I am in my singleness. I'm also going to share posts from an online journal I had when I was a member of Chocolate Brides. You'll get to see first hand my thoughts, feelings, and insights before I considered myself a future wife (See below an excerpt from the intro of my journal).

That's all I have for now. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Have a great and safe weekend.

ONE DAY HE WILL BE ON BENDED KNEE

(taken from my online journal titled Ring Worthy, August 20, 2008)

I titled this J "Ring Worthy", well, because I am. I'm worthy of a man who will one day be so moved by wanting me to be his life partner, that he seeks God in every way to make that happen: from prayer, to daily contemplation, to wise counsel, to sound advice, to knowing in his heart that this is what he wants, to finally taking the step to make that big purchase.

Like everyone here, most of my j's are an indication of where I am at a particular point in my life. And right now, this is where I am. Knowing that I'm worthy of all that was said above. Plus it's helping me to move beyond what I've gone through and to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am Ring Worthy.

P.S. I know that it's not about the ring, but when a man has gone through the process of what I mentioned above, and has decided to take that final step to purchasing the ring, that is very significant to me.

{Special Note: I'd like to thank Chocolate Brides for providing a place where I could share my inner most thoughts on my single journey.}

QUICK UPDATE

Hello everyone...I will be back on the blog soon. My mom had a setback yesterday (she recently had a lung transplant) so I'll be taking care of things on that end. She's doing well today. Her vitals are normal and oxygen level is back in range. My family and I are watching God's wonderful working power.

God willing, I'll be back once things are settled.

God Bless,

FUN, FASHIONABLE, FUTURE WIFE FRIDAY

Hey Ladies...it's Friday and I thought I'd have a little fun. I'm a big fan of having girls night out or a me night out as part of a woman's single walk. And of course in both instances, the question is always, "What will I wear?" Well, I had a little fun putting an ensemble together of what I might wear on a night out with my girls or even if I decided to take myself out somewhere.

My dress style is more laid back and casual. Nice shoes and a nice purse are must-haves :-) Check out my little ensemble below (with commentary lol). Have a great weekend. Go have some fun with your girls or why not take yourself out? Be safe and God bless.

The Ensemble
Top- I chose a gray short sleeved top with a ruched v-neck
Bottoms- Jeans (couldn't find any suitable dark or faded gray jeans so the blue will work)
Shoes- I'm always down for a heel and keeping with the season I chose a cute, short boot. Buuuut heels aren't always practical so the plan B would be the nice flat boots
Bag- The purse is much like the one I carry now except mine is brown
Accessories- I thought silver or black hoops would be fine with this laid back ensemble
Outer wear- Since I'm in Florida, it's not really cold so a light jacket would suffice (I really like the way that one wraps just above the waist). And sometimes places like movie theaters and restaurants are a little chilly so it's good to have something with you to put on if you get cold.

The Face
Foundation- I don't wear make up often but when I do, it's usually simple, starting with a good foundation.
Shadow- I thought a nice silver shadow would nicely complement the color scheme of the whole look
Liner- I don't wear this a lot either but I thought it would look good on the eye for this occasion
Lips- I'm always good to go with a clear gloss

The Nails
Color- I like dark colors on my nails so I chose a nice charcoal gray

I hope you enjoyed today's post :-) I may have another ensemble next week. Let me know what you think and what you'd wear on a night out with your girls or yourself.

Blessings...

FEATURED FUTURE WIFE: SHENINA

God has sent some amazing people my way to feature and today's Featured Future Wife is no exception. She has a light that shines brightly, a constant joy, and (one of her attributes that stuck out to me) a very positive outlook on her single life and how she's waiting on her future husband. I attribute all of these characteristics to the Christ that lives on the inside of her. I'll let you see for yourself.

Meet Shenina.

Name: Shenina Brown
Age: 26
Occupation: DESIRE MORE Naturals, LLC (founder/owner/operator)
Hometown: Greenville, MS

Church: New Direction Christian Church

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Besides going to church and worshipping God with other believers, I absolutely LOVE to encourage, motivate, and empower everyone...from the oldest man at the corner store to the youngest little girl in elementary school. I am a very big ENCOURAGER and want everyone to know just how powerful and strong they really are! I also love to dine in at various restaurants, shop, give advice, sing, act silly, laugh, watch reality t.v shows, spend quality time with family, travel, creatively work with my hands making programs, brochures, flyers, inviations, etc., and MUCH more!

What is your favorite scripture?

Hmmm, only ONE?? Lol! If I had to choose just one, it would be ROMANS 8:28- "FOR GOD CAUSES ALL THINGS TO WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THEM WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE FOR THEM." The reason why I pick this scripture as my favorite is because it sums up my walk with God completely! Though I sometimes get criticized and talked about for trying to live a life that is pleasing to God, and though I sometimes struggle with thinking if the things I do and choices I make concerning God are within his will, I can ALWAYS refer back to this scripture and rest assured that EVERYTHING done for uplifting the Kindgdom of God will be all worth it in the end!

What does the term future wife mean to you?

Uh oh now! Lol! FUTURE WIFE to me is simply a lady who has a DESIRE and the ANNOINTING to be who God wants her to be for a man, who in turn also wants to be joined together by God with her forever. A future wife is one that is yet preparing herself to be who God desires her to be through prayer, meditation, education, and obedience. It doesn't mean "perfection", but it does mean "preparation" to be the woman God has ordained you(me) to be for your(my) husband. She is truly a Proverbs 31 woman and then some with a bag of chips and soda on the side! Oh yeah, throw in a Ring Pop too! LOL!

How would you best describe where you are in your single walk right now?

Right now, I am at a place of contentment. I'm content knowing that God has my front, back, and sides! He has heard my prayers & knows exactly what it is that I want, so this gives me the assurance and strength to continue waiting. It's a difference when you just "wait" as opposed to "waiting" PATIENTLY, which is what I'm doing now. I DESIRE to become a wife and mother one day, therefore, to be granted that desire, I will continue to wait no matter how long it takes until God sees fit for my husband and I to find eachother. Right now, I'm focusing on getting "self" together as well so that I can be the woman my husband has been praying and seeking God's face for!!! I also surround myself around positive people and activities to take my mind off of being "single". I'm still a work in progress, but in due time, all shall be WELL worth the wait!

It's good that you recognize a key component in waiting for your husband--patience. How do you think "jumping the gun" and not waiting on God could affect the destiny you have with your future husband?

With all due respect, "jumping the gun", in my opinion, is a big no-no! I know first hand how it feels to be sometimes lonely and anxious, especially during this single walk. That's why it's even more important for us to remain in tune with God and what he's trying to tell & show us! Because some ladies feel vulnerable and are so ready to get married, they tend to do so prematurely only with divorce being the end result before the 5 year anniversary. It's funny that you ask this question because one day while sitting in my girlfriend's living room, we were talking about relationships. God clearly spoke to me and said: THOUGH NO ONE IS PERFECT BUT ME, IF YOU CHOOSE TO WAIT PATIENTLY, I WILL SEND YOU THE CLOSEST THING (MAN) TO PERFECTION! I was absolutely blown away, and that has stuck with me ever since. When we jump the gun, we as ladies, sometimes find ourselves in abusive relationships, victims of adultery, and even sometimes suicidal because of everything that is going on. We then blame it on God because we don't understand why he allowed all of this to go on. He certainly doesn't "like" to see us go through difficult times, but because we decided to do what "we" wanted to do instead of waiting upon and consulting with God FIRST before talking to Pookie, lol, we would have known that he wasn't for us to begin with and could have avoided alot of heartache and pain! But when you WAIT on God to send not just a husband, but YOUR husband, he will make sure that he is all you ever need and then some! What God has for ME, it is for ME...and what God has for YOU, it is for YOU!- Believe that and continue to wait PATIENTLY on the husband that God has for you!

I love to see single women of God being productive and not just waiting, doing nothing. What are some of the things you've accomplished in your personal life?

Lol, I definitely agree! Some of the things I've accomplished in my personal life are graduating from undergraduate and graduate school (at which I now hold a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology and a Masters in Health Services Administration), and stepping out on faith by opening my own business, DESIRE MORE Naturals. I consider what I've done recently (within the last 5 years) to be the big things I've accomplished. Though the aforementioned things are great, nothing compares to getting to know Christ better, which I consider the BIGGEST accomplishment of all! Instead of waiting around doing nothing, I try my best to occupy my time encouraging, motivating, and empowering all people from all walks of life. I am also trying to become more actively involved in my community and volunteer projects to help give back. For it's not just about me, but it's all about uplifting & building the Kingdom of God!


You are a great encourager. What would you say to a single woman who may not appreciate this single season in her life? How could she achieve contentment?

Oooo weee, what a great question! Lol! I would tell a single woman to enjoy this season she is going through because it will only come once. Though having a husband will be nice, he should not complete you. It is important to be whole BEFORE you connect with your husband. When he comes along, he's going to demand most of your attention and time, and by you being his wife, you are obligated to give it to him. While we still have time, we must continue to focus on God and be obedient to him. I would also tell a single lady that she could achieve contentment with getting to know who "she" is all over again, becoming involved in things she believes in, and finding out things about herself that she doesn't like and then fixing them. It is vital that she learn to love "self" and live successfully single first. Take yourself out on a date, to the movies, or a nice restaurant BEFORE he does, that way you'll be content in knowing that before "he" did, "you" did! Remember that in each season we go through, God speaks to us and there is something he needs us to learn. Don't miss what he is telling you because you are "anxious". The day and time are coming when God will unite you with your husband. Until then, enjoy being by yourself, do things to better self, and continue to not just wait, but PATIENTLY wait for YOUR husband!

Visit Shenina's Desire More Naturals' website

WEDDING WEDNESDAY: BEDAZZLED PHOTOGRAPHY

Having a great photographer is on my dream wedding must-have list. It's probably neck and neck with my dress lol, which means I'm very serious about who captures my big day. But before the big day is captured, I've always dreamed of having engagement pictures taken (I'm serious about those too lol).

I'm not sure when I came across Bedazzled Photography. All I know is when I saw the first picture (in the set of pictures below) I literally gasped. Maybe it was because it captured the exact feel of how I'd like my engagement photos to look one day. Whatever the case, I literally looked through the entire blog after looking at the picture.

For today's Wedding Wednesday, I'm featuring Bedazzled Photography. Take a look at some of my favorite shots. A very special thank you to *Ayesha for allowing me to use her wonderful images.

Doyin & Ralph's Engagement Session

*To see more of Ayesha's great photography go to Bedazzled Photography
*To see more from the above engagement session go here

MARRIAGE MONDAY: THE VICTORIOUS WOMAN, WIFE, AND WORSHIPER

I don't want any of my readers to ever think that they "can't" get married or are "unworthy" of marriage --for whatever reason-- if they have the desire. That's why I was so eager to post today's feature. Her story is filled with hope, faith, and triumph.

I describe her as a "victim to a victor". From an early childhood of abuse to a mighty woman of God, and a loving wife, her story is an inspiring example of "I know the plans I have for you." Today Lady LaWanda Engleman shares her story.

Can you share a little about the unfortunate incidents that happened early in your life?

When I was a child (around the age of 10) I began being molested by a couple of my male family members. This continued until I was 16 years old. At the age of 16 I was raped by a friend of my brother's that I was supposedly 'dating'. Mind you I was way too young to be calling myself dating. I had NO IDEA what I'd gotten myself into.I don't ever remember being threatened not to tell, but I never told anyone until I was 20 years old. I felt alone and ashamed that I 'allowed' myself to be touched without fighting back. I never had a close relationship with my mother (as I got older I realized that she was dealing with so much in her life that she really couldn't avail herself to help me) and my father passed away when I was 9.

How did that affect you as a woman and your relationship with God?

I felt that God had abandoned me. I have been saved since the age of 11. I ran to the church; so I thought; because I was being molested and I needed help. I thought that if I turned my life over to God that it would stop and he would protect me. When the molestation continued, I blamed God. I felt that He didn't love me and wanted me to be hurt, but on the flip side I had this 'wierd' longing to serve the Lord. I'd grown up seeing and hearing my mother pray and became a warrior in prayer. Through prayer I was introduced to worship and couldn't pull myself away from wanting to be in the presence of God as much as I could. It became my solace. I would go through 'seasons' of hurt where I'd feel far from God, but would never backslide because I so wanted to be pleasing in His sight.

Did it effect your relationship with men?

In the beginning I was very introverted. I was afraid of any type of relationship. I felt that everyone was just out to get something from me and I was so timid that normallly I'd give whatever they wanted whether it hurted or not. I would date guys just because they wanted to date me and although I never carried on a sexual relationship with these men, I was very subservient. I never wanted to go against anything they said or wanted for fear that they would leave me or wouldn't love me. These events caused me to have a distored sense of what love and relationship meant.~ Looking for Love in ALL the wrong places.


What steps did you take to overcome your past?

As I grew in the Lord I had a desire to be free. I grew up strict apostolic. We were never taught to talk about our fears, hurts, or failings...just to 'turn it over the Lord'. Although, this thinking did help me to create a prayer life and a relationship with the Lord, I was still hurting in so many other ways. I was in a prayer revival at my church and I began to cry out to the Lord because I wanted to be free from the memories and all that tied me to these memories. God began to open up to me what it meant to have strongholds and how the unfortunate events in my life tied me to these memories and hurts; until I released those things I would never be free. I'd learned how to supress the memories and live over the memories, but I didn't know how to release them and live through them! God revealed to me the enemies' design to have these issues to take root in me so that I could never be free! How, although I didn't ask for it or condone it, spirits had attached to me unaware and I NEEDED to seek guidance for deliverance. I went to pastors, friends and anyone that would listen until finally God lead me to a Christian Counselor that helped me sort through my issues enough to be delivered and set free! It took many deliverance sessions before I could say that I was finally free. I do still remember everything that happened to me vividly, but these memories are no longer tied to pain. I am now able to speak out without tears or feeling one ounce of bitterness - PRAISE GOD! Many people don't understand that ANY type of sex TIES you to the person that you've been with. Whatever issues and 'demons' they deal with become your issues and 'demons'. It is severly important that we as women understand this. Whever consentual or non-consentual, you are tied to them in oneness until GOD sets you free. YOU MUST SEEK FOR THIS FREEDOM!


How did you share your past with your husband?

Before my husband and I were married I'd noticed behaviors from myself. I was drawn to him sexually way before I ever should have been! As a matter of fact as I got older I'd notice that I was much more interested in anything sexual much more than I should have been. The seeds that were sown into me by the enemy had begun to take root and began to sprout! I had no idea where the feelings and emotions were coming from, but noticed that they were there. During our courtship I found myself in a season with the Lord where I'd began to feel far from Him. I'd started yielding to my own wants and desires more that the wants and desires of the Lord! But, Audrey...I had NO IDEA why! Being the man of God that my husband was, he could sense that there was something going on, but didn't know what. After we were married there were many nights I'd wake up afraid at the touches and advances from my husband. I was afraid to sleep around him becasue of the memory of my 'midnight troubles'. I didn't tell my husband right away. I just didn't know how to tell him. I was afraid of what he would think of me and if he would feel that I was 'spoiled' and wouldn't want me anymore. My husband 'loved' me into revealing to him my hurts and pains. He sowed into me the seeds of unconditional love until the point that I felt safe enough to reveal my past to him.


What would you say to someone reading this who's gone through what you went through and may think they aren't "worthy" of getting married?

What God has for YOU it IS for YOU! No man can ever take away a promise from the Lord! We aren't worthy of anything if you really want to know my opinion, but we are BLESSED that God sees fit to call us friend and grant to us his grace and mercy making us worthy or EVERY promise and desire of our heart! Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalms 37:4) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matt. 6:33)

LaWanda will be sharing her story in her upcoming book Excerpts From the Heart: This is my story set to be released this month.

You can visit her blog at Lady Engleman

WEDDING WEDNESDAY: DOLAPO THE DIVA (PART 2)

Hello all. Here's another fabulous wedding day look by one of my favorite You Tube gurus, Dolapo aka SongBirdDiva4Life. If you're thinking about doing your own make up when your big day comes, she is a great person to watch on how to apply.Check out the video below for the Retro Glam Bride look :-)




Audrey

JUST THE WAY...

There is no match for the love of God. He loves us unconditionally, no matter what. Who wouldn't want to be loved like that? Below is a song by one of my favorite gospel trios, Out of Eden. It's called Just the Way. Listen to it, let it motivate you today, and remind you that there is no other love like the love of God. It's just the way...

P.S. I love at the end when they sing, "I never been so happy...":-)

JUST THE WAY by OUT OF EDEN



God Bless

Audrey

WEDDING WEDNESDAY: BEAUTIFUL MUSIC

Someone posted this song on FB the other day and I thought it was beautiful. This is definitely fitting for a wedding. It's also a song that us Future Wives can listen to every now and then when we need to be reminded that God does have wonderful men that He's keeping just for us. Take a minute and listen :-)

THE ONE HE KEPT FOR ME by Maurette Brown Clark


God Bless

Audrey

MONEY MATTERS

I know that money doesn't seem very future wife-ish but gaining or maintaining good financial habits now is something that you can carry into your marriage. Below are six financial principles and benefits from Pastor Mac Brunson of First Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Fl. He shared them in his sermon yesterday. (Note: All of the principles can be adjusted to apply to your single lifestyle)

FINANCIAL PRINCIPLES
1. Get out of debt.

2. Ask yourself before any purchase, "Do I need this?"

3. (For married couples) ask before a purchase, "Are we as a couple in agreement on this purchase?"

4.Can I pay this off at the end of the month?

5. Will purchasing this blow our/my financial goals?

6. Will this purchase impact the giving of our/my tithes?

BENEFITS OF APPLYING FINANCIAL PRINCIPLES
1. You will move from paying interest to earning interest.

2. You'll stop worrying about money and use money as a tool.

3. You'll stop being scared of the future and will have hope for the future.

4. You'll stop fighting financial fires.

5. You'll be set free from things you can't reach.

6. You'll stop attacking each other in marriage and start working together.



Audrey

AN ENCOURAGING WORD FOR THE WEEKEND

I'd like for you to take this into the weekend with you.

Remember...

-It's not your job to look for your future husband, it's your your future husband's job to look for you (Proverbs 18:22). And keep in mind, he may NOT be looking for you right now. Why? Because he may not be ready. God still may be cleaning him up, preparing him to come into your life.

-Your future husband has to seek God FIRST, before he seeks you so he's not the hold up (Matthew 6:33).

-Your future husband already exists. God doesn't have to drum him up or scurry to find him (Jeremiah 29:11).

-You're not waiting for "a" husband, you're waiting for YOUR husband, the one God has chosen for you (Psalm 130:5)

Final Thought: Trust God and get on (continue on) with your life, serving Him , until He sees fit to bring you and your future husband together.

Have a blessed weekend.


Audrey

WEDDING WEDNESDAY: DOLAPO THE DIVA

Do you ever think about how you want your make up for your wedding day? I admit, when I'm thinking about my big day, I'm usually thinking about my dress, colors, or where I would like it to be. Just recently I started pondering the cosmetic side for my day. Do I want neutral or some color? I'll have that all figured out when that time comes :-)

Today I'm featuring one of my favorite You Tube make up gurus. Her name is Dolapo but she's known as SongBirdDiva4Life. See how she recreated the look of her wedding day. Enjoy :-)






Audrey

BEAUTIFULLY ORCHESTRATED: BYRON & CHRISTINA

After interviewing Christina for her Wedding Wednesday feature, I wanted to know more about her story. I saw how God beautifully orchestrated she and her husband, Byron's lives to bring them together. It was very apparent that He had a specific purpose for them in mind. I believe that is an important component to know when considering marriage. Read Byron and Christina's story, see how God worked in their lives to prepare them for each other, and see what they believe God's purpose is for them.



Byron & Christina Jones
Married: June 21, 2008
A helpful scripture they use: Ephesians 5:33

How did you know Christina was the one for you?
Byron: I knew that Christina was the one on our first "official" date. She just had a presence about her that was....different than the other women I had dated. She was quiet, and humble, and beautiful. And her spirit was infectious.

What made you say yes?
Christina: I said yes because a "yes" had been on my heart for a while. I had been praying about our relationship from the beginning, praying that God would show me if this was the man for me. I think I received my confirmation before Byron was even thinking about asking, lol!

You mentioned in your previous interview that you were going
through a series of events that had you at a low point. Can you share what you
were going through that had you at that point? How did wanting to know the love
of God before wanting to know the love of a man, help you to know what real love
was?
Christina: About 2 years before I met Byron, I was in a long term relationship that just kind of ...dissolved, into nothing. By no means was it a good relationship, but when he got engaged and announced his fiance's pregnancy VERY shortly after he broke up with me, I was a wreck. I placed zero value on myself, and on my body. I was giving myself to anyone who showed even the slightest interest, with no regard for my health or safety. It was a bit of a turning point for me when my best friend of 7 years came to me and said "Christina, I don't like you very much right now. And I don't think you like yourself either." That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. It forced me to do some self reflection, and realize that I needed a breakthrough, in the worst way. That's when I turned to God.

Seeking the love of God made me see the good in me, and I began to love myself again. It also helped me to see and feel that agape, unconditional love that is VERY neccesary for a relationship to work. It's easy to (eros)love someone who is always "acting right", in agreement with you, and faultless. But if you're marrying someone who isn't Jesus (perfect) there's going to be a need for a stronger love, that can overcome those flaws, the unconditional love that I believe can only be gained through a relationship with God.

Were you thinking/praying about marriage before you met Christina?
Byron: I had actually been engaged before, we ended it about a year before I met Christina. Another engagement/marriage anytime soon was pretty much the last thing on my mind. But God laughs at our plans, right?

Your story stood out to me because I could see how God orchestrated
the events in your life that brought you together. What purpose do you think God
has for you as a couple?
Both: We hope that we can be an example of a healthy, happy, Godly marriage. Especially to our daughter, and future children. We want to show her what a healthy relationship looks like, and show her the value of keeping God in your marriage. Our desire is that because of what she sees in us, she won't make some of the same mistakes we did, and in turn, pass that down to her children, and her children's children. It only takes a ripple to start a wave, and we believe that God intends our marriage to be the ripple that can start a wave of unbroken families, and Christ-centered homes, for our generation.

The happy family: Byron and Christina with their beautiful daugther, Isabella. Check out Christina's blog Being Mrs. Jones

Audrey

HAPPY FRIDAY {COMING UP ON CHRONICLES}

Hello everyone. Happy Friday to you all. Just stopping by to wish you a happy and safe weekend. My mother is doing well, progressing day by day. I am grateful to God for her steady recovery.

Here is what's coming up on Chronicles: You don't want to miss the marriage feature coming up on Monday of Byron and Christina. Their wedding was featured as a part of Wedding Wednesday on the blog. Stay tuned for their wonderful love story as they share their journey and what they see as God's purpose for them.

I see I have some new subscribers to the blog. Hello to you all. Hello to all of my wonderful subscribers. You are appreciated.

God Bless. Have a great weekend.

Audrey

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Hello everyone. I often say that my parents are the greatest example I have regarding marriage because I see vows in action. I've seen in good times and bad, for richer or for poorer. And now, in sickness and in health.

On Saturday, my mom received a lung transplant. Everything is good, praise God. But it's moments like this where I'm reminded that vows aren't mere words.

I'm not making this a long post. Just wanted to share. Hopefully it's an encouragement to you as you go on your journey toward marriage.

That's all for now.



Audrey

CHRONICLES IS BACK...

Hello Ladies...welcome back to a new-look and a new Chronicles. Thank you for your patience as I took some time away from the blog to reflect. As always God gave me something that really blessed me. In a nutshell He made me see that my true chronicles lies in what happened before I considered myself to be a future wife. I went through a wonderful transformation and that story needs to be shared. So that's the new direction that Chronicles is taking.

The features on the blog will remain, they just won't be weekly, save for Wedding Wednesday. I still want this to be a place of encouragement and upliftment for the single woman of God. Please go to the "Features" section to see details about features.

Thank you again for your patience. Chronicles is back :-) Look for a new post coming soon.

A very special thank you to Christina Jones of Visual Luxe Graphic Design Studio for designing the new look :-) Thank you Christina! You're a gem!


God Bless,

Audrey

UPDATE

Good Day everyone. Well, I wanted to give you a little update since I've taken some time away from the blog. I want to make sure that the blog is going in the right direction so I'm taking some time to pray and reflect on some things.

It's amazing how God, in an instant, can take you from one place to another and I believe that's what he's doing as far as my singleness is concerned. He has to come first before anything, including my desire to be married. That's where I am now.

Again, I want to be sure I'm going in the right direction with the blog. I want what I share to be a direct reflection of what's going on in my life. I also want to continue to share things that will uplift and encourage you in your walk. When my heart and mind are clear I will return.

-Audrey-

AWAY....

Hello everyone. I'll be away from the blog again. Check for updates on the fan page.

Thank you,
Audrey

AWAY....

Hello everyone...I will be away from the blog this week. However, I will be updating the fan page. Please join us on Facebook.

"FUTURE WIFE" IS NOW ON FACEBOOK

Hello everyone. Happy #FutureWifeFriday.

Please join the new Future Wife fan page by clicking the banner below.

Do you Tweet? Be sure to subscribe to @the_future_wife.

See what's going on for #FutureWifeFriday

WEDDING WEDNESDAY: CHRISTINA & BYRON

I couldn't wait to share this story with you. I wasn't through the first paragraph before I found myself writing to Christina telling her how beautiful her story was. She shares her story (below) in her own words.

Byron and I met in April of 2007, on Facebook, of all places! We actually grew up about 30 minutes away from each other, but never met until we were adults, and had moved away from home.

At the time that we met, I had been through a series of events that had me at a very low point. I had no idea what "real" love was supposed to be like. Even though I didn't really have a relationship with God at the time, I knew who he was, and I knew about his love. I decided that the love of Christ was the only love I wanted from ANY man. About a month after that realization, Byron facebooked me, and it was something about computers, I can't remember exactly what. I do know that there was never an intention of dating, let alone marriage, on either of our parts, but we started talking daily after that.

On the night of his college graduation, he and a friend drove 2 hours to come and meet me (and a couple of friends, he may have been psycho, lol) in person for the first time. We've been pretty inseparable ever since. It was a bit of a whirlwind relationship, I'll admit, but this man wasn't trying to take me to the club, or back to his place. He wanted me to come to church with him. And wow, what a church it was! My husband introduced me to a place of worship where I actually felt like I was growing closer to Christ. He put me in line with a pastor who doesn't preach current events. He preaches the word of God, in a clear, concise, relatable way, and he challenges us to live up to the example of Christ, especially in our marriages. I accepted Christ in October of 2007.

Byron proposed to me in December of 2007, after 6 months of dating. We married on June 21, 2008, at New Hope Baptist Church. On that day, we vowed to keep Christ as the center of our marriage, and to not falter from that. Some days, some arguments, it's easy to overlook that, but inevitably, something happens to remind us of that promise that we made. The promise reminds us of God's plan for marriage, and it brings us back to where we are supposed to be. We pray daily, not only for each other, but for our marriage, and for God's continued presence in it. I firmly believe that this diligence keeps our marriage protected, and strong.

Wedding Photo Credit: Sam and Elizabeth Pervis, Catchlight Photography

To see more of Christina and Byron's beautiful wedding day, click here.

If you would like your wedding featured for Wedding Wednesday please contact me at coafw@yahoo.com

QUESTION OF THE DAY

I never thought I'd be thankful for the day when God ended an almost four year relationship that I was in. At the time, I really thought this person was the one for me. Looking back, I'm so grateful that God knew way better than I did and put an end to it all. I understand now that He has someone for me, much greater than I could ever imagine.

QOTD: Were you in a serious/long-term relationship at one time and you didn't understand why it had to end, but are thankful now that it did?

Note: Be thankful when God shuts a door. It might be painful for the moment but He always has a much greater plan and purpose in mind (Jeremiah 29:11)

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

I often think about what my married last name will be. Not only that, I have this "thing" where I want my last name to "flow" with my first name (random I know). Like, what last name will "flow" with Audrey? Here are a few last names that I find particularly interesting:

Anderson, Carter, Walker, Smith, and as of late, Moore, Allen and Jones.

Of course I won't know what my last name will be until I meet him. It's just a Future Wife thing I do quite often lol. Just thought I'd share.

Is there something you think about regarding your future husband? Feel free to share. I'd love to know.

The Future Wife,

Audrey

FEATURED FUTURE WIFE: JAIYA

Every now and then I'm going to feature a fellow Future Wife on the blog. All of us are in different stages of our "future" and it's good to see other ladies who are on the journey as well. I believe the features will encourage and inspire us to remain the set apart ladies that we are and who God created us to be for our future husbands.

Today's Future Wife feature: Her joy is infectious. Her confidence is such that it makes you ask the question, "Where does it come from?" because inside you want whatever it is she has. She is living a bold, uncompromised walk, with her eyes fixed on her King, believing that one day she will be blessed with a king.

Meet Jaiya.

Name Jaiya Keys

Age: 31
Hometown: Orlando Florida
Occupation: Creative Director/Owner of Minister2Me Christian Apparel

What do you like to do in your spare time?
Anything dealing with the Arts: Painting, Writing, Music, Dance etc.. Those things bring me joy and allow some sense of spiritual release and mental relaxation.

What is your favorite scripture?
There are so many!!! If I had to choose one I would say all of Deuteronomy 7 goes pretty hard. I love it! It's a scripture of promise and confirmation. To me it feels like a signed contract from God that I am his CHOSEN vessel and it list my reward, duties, and benefits for choosing a more abundant life with Christ. It's all in there and it gets me excited! The first time that I read it I said "God you mean to tell me that I get ALL of this for believing in you? SIGN ME UP!"

What does the term "future wife" mean to you?
The term future wife means to me Preparation, Purpose and Positioning. The word “Wife” sounds like an assignment from God. I have learned that understanding the true meaning of words is so important in life so I find myself going to the dictionary for everything. The dictionary defines the word "Wife" as a woman joined in marriage to a husband, very simple right? Once I understood the term I went to God's word to find out how God expects me to carry myself as a wife in Proverbs 31:10-31.

How are you allowing God to prepare you to become a wife?
PATIENCE!!! God has given woman a “How to be a wife guide”in Proverbs 31:10-31 It can’t get any easier then that. All we have to do is follow his instructions. I believe that God is preparing me to become a wife by surrounding me with knowledge, understanding, and hypothetical situations that relate to marriage. Knowledge from books and individuals that are successfully married. Understanding of my purpose in my Kings life as a true "help mate" and not a "harass mate". Someone who is soft, gentle, fun loving, wise, forgiving and represents herself as a lady of style and grace at all times. Lastly, hypothetical situations with men that mentally stretch me and force me to become a better woman.

You are very confident. Where does it come from?
Thank you Audrey! My confidence really comes from my relationship with Christ. Scriptures like 1 John 4:4 Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. Romans 8:37 “I am more than a Conqueror through Jesus Christ” and Luke 1:37 “Nothing is impossible with God.” Those scriptures give me so much energy to go out everyday of my life and make the impossible possible!

How important is it for a single woman to know her self worth before she gets married?
It is VERY criticle that single woman know their self worth prior to marriage and that they are secure with the woman that God has chosen them to be. God’s word says in Proverbs 31 that as a woman I am "worth more than Rubies and that my husband shall be fully confident in me and see my value and worth." How can my future King see my value or my worth if I don’t know what it is myself? How can he be confident that I can manage the lives of others i.e. a family if I am not managing my own personal life properly?

What are the benefits of a single woman having godly, male friends?
Godly male friends are like the icing on my cake of life as a woman! Too much Venus (woman) can never be a good thing. There needs to be balance in life. As a single woman I call my balance my B.I.C.’s aka my Brothers in Christ. The best way to understand a male point of view is to hear it from a man, not your mother and not your female friends. They are like angels on assignment from God to protect me from emotional, physical, and spiritual damage. They protect me from evil intentions and wasting my time with nonsense. My B.I.C.’s have always been selfless men that have my best interest at hand. I’ve known them for years and those guys keep me covered in Christ.

How does your relationship with God help you to wait on the man he has chosen for you?
This question kind of ties in with the confidence question and knowing your self worth. I’m patiently waiting because God promised me that my husband was going to be the BOMB! I won’t settle for anything less than Fireworks and Butterflies! I have to be transparent with you though, I am a very fearless woman but my #1 fear use to be that I would become so buried in Christ that my King would not seek God first before coming to me. I need to be specific when I say “seek God first” because some may think that interprets into the man needing to be Saved or a Christian when it doesn’t mean that at all. In order for my King to find me he has to seek God first so that God can remove any previous attachments or addictions to sex, drugs, anger, pain from previous relationships etc… If he still has that baggage he’s not ready to be my King, the yoke is not equal.

Name 3 characteristics that you would look for in your future husband
Only 3? That’s tough. Hopefully a relationship with Christ is necessary but can go un listed here.
1)Passion
2)Great sense of humor
3)Intelligence

Some single women think that waiting on God for their husbands means doing nothing but that--wait. You lead a very fulfilling life. What advice would you give to a single woman who is "doing nothing" but waiting on her husband?
As Arsenio Hall would say LET’S GET BUSY!!! Ladies get busy! Create a business, travel the world, enjoy life and establish yourself as a single woman. 1Cor7:32-35 says (the Message) I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.I’ve completed college, I've worked my career and now I have stepped into my calling as a business owner of one of God’s Kingdom businesses Minister2Me Christian Apparel www.minister2me.com.

WEDDING WEDNESDAY: SARAH &ROBERT

Yet another beautiful wedding. This time it's Sarah Jakes, youngest daughter of Bishop T.D. and Serita Jakes, who married Robert Henson in a beautiful ceremony at her father's church, The Potter's House.

Sarah & Robert's Wedding Day (Source: Essence July 2008)
A spotlight beamed on the rear doors of the church as Bishop T.D. Jakes and youngest daughter Sarah Dionne Jakes emerged.

Dressed in a stunning strapless, white gown and escorted by her father, pastor, motivational speaker and author Jakes, Sarah, 19, wed her college sweetheart, Robert Henson, 22, in a ceremony fit for a princess on Saturday, June 21, at The Potter's House in Dallas.

"A lot of people have told us that we're too young, and asked Robert and me, 'Why don't you wait?'" said Sarah, who accepted Robert's proposal on Mother's Day in 2007. "But when you feel like it's right, love one another, and you're ready, why wait?"

Robert agrees: "Everyone likes to say you have your whole life ahead of you, but tomorrow is not promised. I know I love her and we were ready."

The mother of the bride, Serita Jakes, along with family and friends filled the flower-laden pews of Jakes's megachurch. The seven bridesmaids were radiant in chocolate satin dresses. Sarah's maid of honor, big sister Cora, 20, wore a aqua dress, while the groomsmen donned slick tuxedos.

Bishop Noel Jones of the City of Refuge Church in Gardena, California, married the lovebirds, who met a year and a half ago through a mutual friend at their college, Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas.

After walking his baby girl down the aisle, an emotional Jakes prayed over Sarah and Robert. Then, Kelly Price and Micah Stampley sang the inspirational duet "Our Prayer" by Donnie McClurkin and Yolanda Adams.

The enchanted ceremony was followed by a fairy-tale reception at the Jakes's palatial 28-acre estate. Guests, including Tyler Perry, Dr. Phil McGraw, Deion Sanders, Tom Joyner and wife Donna Richardson Joyner, Paula White, Michael Irvin and Emmit Smith, were on hand for the celebration.

The front lawn of Jakes's home was transformed into an enchanted forest replete with fog, mimes, a string quartet playing in a gazebo, and an ice sculpture of a glass slipper.

Arriving in a Just Married-tagged horse-drawn carriage, the newlyweds were in every sense the evening's Cinderella and Prince Charming. "I really can't take credit for any of this," said Sarah, a broadcast journalism major who graduates next May. "This was all my dad's idea. He even picked out my dress!"

Guests were treated to a buffet-style spread and a performance by singer Carl Thomas. But the night's best performance was the newlyweds' first dance. Surrounded by friends and loved ones, Sarah and Robert only had eyes for each other.

"When I'm having a bad day, all Sarah has to do is smile, and everything is okay," said Robert, an athlete and TCU criminal justice major, who will graduate in December.

Added Sarah: "No matter what's going on, he always does something goofy to make me laugh."

Some fairy tales do come true after all.


Photo Credit: Rance Elgin/www.ranceelgin.com

For more pictures from the ceremony go here

For pictures from the reception go here

TODAY'S QOTD: WHY DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED?

A couple days ago, I listed a few things on Twitter that I considered "wrong reasons" for wanting to get married....

If you want to get married because you're almost 30 #wrongreason If you want to get married because your biological clock is ticking #wrongreason
If you want to get married because all of your friends are married #wrongreason
If you want get married because you think the wedding is the marriage #wrongreason

At some point during your single walk, you should do a heart check (a valuable tool that I learned early in my walk). Not only should we know that our desires are in line with the will of God, but our motives behind our desires should be checked as well. We can get dressed to the nines, make ourselves "available" to attract a man, and do all the superficial things we think will snag a husband but if our hearts are in the wrong place, none of that stuff matters. We should be mindful that even concerning marriage, God looks at our hearts (1 Sam. :16:7) and so should we.

Today's QOTD: Why do you really want to get married?

MARRIAGE MONDAY: A HOUSE INTO A HOME

One of the things I don't want to do is go into marriage blindly. God recently opened my eyes to a "blindspot" I had concerning marriage: the reality of adjusting to living with my future husband after marriage. You could say I had a "real deal" moment.

Today, marriage advocate and life coach, *Tangie Henry is going to shed some light on the reality of living together after marriage, blending two lives, and how she and her husband turned their house into a home. Her insight helped me and I know it will be very helpful to you.

How did you make your house a home? For example, what is it about your home that says, "This is the Henry's home"?

Making your house a “home” is a process of a lot of “trial and error.” Oftentimes, couples enter into their marriage with pre-conceived expectations about how their household should be managed, i.e. who does the laundry or who pays the bills, etc. But the best way to have a successful “flow” in your house is to figure out what works best for your house: Not your mama and daddy’s house. For example, both my husband and I lead very busy lives so what makes our house a home is “teamwork” and “understanding.” We both try to accommodate each other so that both of our needs are met collectively and individually.

What adjustments did you have to make to blend your lives together?

We had to adjust our expectations. My husband came from a very traditional background, whereas, I did not. In the beginning of our marriages, I worked hard to fit the traditional mold, but it was very difficult for me and it made me resentful. We had to have a conversation and I had to express to him my true feelings and ask that he love me anyway. As we grew together and began to mature, we developed a groove that works for us. Communication is the key. Without it, your marriage will rot from the inside out. Real talk!

In the beginning, is there something your spouse did that got on your nerves?

Of course! That’s a given. Everybody gets on someone’s nerves at some point. LOL! If it really bothered me and I felt like I couldn’t ignore it, I would bring it up. Most times, however, it wasn’t a deal-breaker and I learned that the reason it got on my nerves was more about me than him. Once I examined myself, the less his behavior bothered me.

What things did you have to compromise on?

The biggest thing that I’ve had to compromise on is the sacrificing of my personal time. A lot of unmarried people, women in particular, think that once they’re married, they’re going to want to be up under their spouses 24-7 and the two of them will do everything together, and so on and so forth. While I think it’s important that the two of you make each other a priority and “date” each other, I think it’s equally important that you have time to cultivate separate activities so that when you do come together, it makes the union more interesting. I’m the kind of person who likes to do what I want to do when I want to do it. LOL! Needless to say that doesn’t work in life and definitely not in marriage. Being married is a continuous exercise in dying to your own selfish ways. So, I’m still learning. (smile)

*What advice would you give to a new couple getting adjusted to living together after marriage, for example, how to approach conflict resolution?

I would recommend that couples be honest about their feelings to one another, not their “Girls,” “The fellas,” or their “Mama.” However, it should be done in the spirit of love. And the other person receiving the information should not take it offensively, but try to understand their spouse’s point of view. All conflict in marriage is not bad. If done constructively, it can lead to a more fulfilled relationship. It takes a lot of work to blend your habits, lifestyle, preferences and idiosyncrasies with another person. Having honest conversations with soften the blow, so to speak.

More advice:

Prior to marriage, allow the natural course of your relationship to unfold. Sometimes we get so focused on attaining the “brass ring” that we skip steps along the way. Putting time on your relationship allows you to go through seasons with the other person and see if they are really someone that you’d like to make a covenant with. I also recommend intensive pre-marital counseling from a qualified third party. Pre-marital counseling will expose areas that you may not have thought to explore. The truth of the matter is that there’s no sure-fire guarantee in any relationship, but you can position yourself so that you can achieve great success in your union.

*Please visit Tangie on her blogs at Marriage Ain't For Wimps and Inspired Sistah.